The Den Den Mushi
by GoddessOfNight08
Summary: A one-shot about the Straw Hats using a Den Den Mushi.


**A…. telesnail?**

**Authors Notes: **Again, I was in a one-shot mood. I was wondering who and what they would say if the Straw Hat crew had a chance to call somebody. So here it is.

**Disclaimer: **Okay guys, help me out!

All OP characters: SHE DOESN`T OWN ANYTHING!

Me: I wouldn`t say `anything`...

* * *

As the last Marine fell to the floor unconscious, the crew started searching around the base, taking as much supplies that they could get a hold of. Nami was looking for any treasure, and Zoro was drinking a bunch of sake. When she found nothing, she sighed and sat beside him, waiting for the rest to finish what they were doing.

"Hey! It's a snail! Cool!" the two heard Luffy's excited voice coming from the other room.

"Nani? A snail? What are you talking about Luffy?" Nami asked as she and Zoro got up to go investigate.

The rest of the crew went to the room where Luffy's excited "oohhhs" and "aaahhhs" came from. As they walked in, they found the sight of Luffy holding a snail in his palm.

"Hey… That's a telesnail, isn't it?" Sanji asked.

"Yeah, I think so. You don't think…?" Chopper asked eyeing the Marine on the floor.

"It's a possibility. Captain-san, you were the one who took out this guy, weren't you?" Robin turned to Luffy.

"Yeah, I did."

"Was he speaking to the snail?" Usopp asked.

"Nah, he was hiding behind the door. Then I knocked him out!" Luffy said, with a huge grin on his face.

"In that case, I don't _think _that they called for backup. But let's get ready and go, just in case." Nami said.

"Hey, Nami." Luffy called to her, as she was walking out the door of the room.

She turned. "What is it, Luffy?"

"What does this snail-thingy do?" he asked. He brought it close to his eye, then started tickling it. It made a couple of weird little noises.

"It's kind of like a telephone. Why?" she asked, knowing that he was up to something.

"Really? So you can call people with this little snail? Sugoi!" he cheered. Robin chuckled at her captain being so excited with the little snail. "Hey! I just thought of something!"

"What?" Nami tiredly asked, knowing that it wasn't going to be good.

"Can I make a phone call to somebody?" Luffy asked, his eyes big and innocent.

"That depends on who you're going to call." Nami's eyes narrowed.

"I wanna call somebody from my village. Can I? Please, please, please?" Luffy started begging.

"Really? Man, I've gotta listen to this. I've never heard you talk about anyone from your home." Usopp said.

"So can I? Please Nami? Pleeeeaaasseee~~~?" Luffy begged again.

"Fine! Go ahead! But be careful. If they trace the call back to you, whoever you're calling is going to be in a lot of trouble." Nami told him.

"Yosh! I'm gonna call her right now!" Luffy started dialing.

"Hey, when you're done can I use it? I'm thinking of calling a couple of shit heads." Sanji said.

"Sure, sure." Luffy listened to the telesnail ring. On the fourth ring someone picked up.

"_Hello, this is Party's Bar, how may I help you?"_ spoke a feminine voice.

"Hey, is this Makino?" Luffy asked excitedly.

"_Yes, it is. Can I help you_?" the lady repeated.

"Makino! This is-!" Luffy began before Nami threw herself at him. She covered his mouth with her hand, and started yelling at him.

"Don't say your name, idiot! If the Marines find out, she'll be in danger!" Nami yelled.

"_Moshi moshi? Moshi moshi? Is this some kind of prank? I'm hanging up_!" she yelled through the telesnail.

"Wait! It's not a joke! Makino! Just hold on a second. Umm…." Luffy scratched the back of his head in thought.

"_You have five seconds before I hang up. I have customers waiting on me_." Makino spat.

"Uh…" Luffy kept thinking of how to let her know it was him.

"_Time's up. Good b_-"

"Makino! How's my treasure tab?" Luffy finally said through the snail.

"What is he talking about?" Usopp asked Zoro.

"How the hell should I know?" Zoro retorted.

"Well, you're the first mate; you've known him the longest!"

"I still have no clue." Zoro shrugged.

It was silent on the other end for a moment. "_Treasure tab…? Hold on a second! Is that you, Lu-!"_

"Don't say his name! The Marines'll be all over you!" Sanji quickly yelled.

"…_Is this the same little punk that used to hang in my bar eating everything I had for free, insult mountain bandits, and beat the crap out of unsuspecting pirates with his big brother?" _Makino asked.

"Shishishishi! It sure is!" Luffy laughed, glad that she got it.

"_Well, kid, how ya been doin'? I saw your poster! Everybody started having a celebration_!"

"Really? Cool!" Luffy grinned.

"_Yeah, they're hopin' you'll make this little town famous!"_ Makino chuckled.

"I'll try! So what'cha been up to? Has Shanks been by since I left?" Luffy eagerly asked.

"_Sorry, he hasn't. But if he does I'll let him know you're doin' okay_." It was quiet for a second. "_You _are _doing okay, aren't you?_" she sternly asked.

"I'm fine. Everybody's doing okay!" Luffy said. "You always did worry too much about me! Shishishishi!"

"_Everybody? Oh that's right; you're the terrifying pirate captain now. ….Um, kid, where _exactly_ are you calling from?"_

"Some Marine base on the Grand Line. Why?"

"_What in God's good name are you doing in a Marine base? You do understand that the Marines are all over your ass, baka? Get the hell out of the-!"_

"It's okay! They're all sleepin'! Shishishishi!" Luffy quickly amended.

"_Sleeping? Whaddya mean they're sleeping_?" Makino asked cautiously.

"By 'sleeping' he means 'I beat the living daylights out of them and they're all unconscious', Miss Makino." Sanji informed her.

"_Who's this?"_ Makino asked.

"I am Mr. Prince. It's good to meet an acquaintance of my fool of a captain." He quickly used his stupid alibi.

"_Ya got that right. He _is_, _was_, and __always_ will be_ a complete fool. Just try not to get your crew in that much trouble because of you, ya little punk. But I guess you're not so little anymore are ya?"_ she sighed.

"Nope! I'm not a kid any-"

"He still acts like one." Usopp interjected.

"_Is that so? Then you haven't changed have you? Why am I not surprised_?" Makino sarcastically asked.

"You guys..." Luffy whined. "Stop it…!"

For a moment there was yelling coming from the phone.

"_I'm comin, I'm comin'! HEY! THAT MEANS __**SHUT UP**__!"_ Makino furiously yelled. It quieted down.

"The guys in town still rowdy, huh?" Luffy chuckled.

"_Sometimes, I wish you were still here. Now that you're gone, they can't seem to grasp the meaning of_ 'no'." Makino sighed. _"I have to go. Take good care of yourself, kid."_

"Just tell 'em that I'll come beat the shit out of 'em if they don't! Shishishishi! Bye, Makino!" Luffy said as he hung up. He started laugh uncontrollably. "Nothing's changed back home! Shishishishi!"

"Just who _was _that Luffy?" Chopper asked cautiously.

"That was Makino! She used to take care of me and Ace when we were kids! Sometimes." Luffy chuckled.

"What do you mean by 'sometimes', Captain-san?" Robin asked calmly.

"At first, Jii-chan left me in the village with Makino to take care of me, but then, after I ate the Gomu Gomu no Mi, he took me to live with Dadan in the mountains. I met Ace there. Soon we became the terror of the island. Whenever we came by, we'd hang out in her place. Shishishishi! Aaahhh…. good times… Good times…" Luffy sighed staring into space.

"Can I have the phone now, Luffy? I wanna call someone too." Sanji asked, reaching for the speaking end of the snail.

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead!" Luffy handed it to him.

Sanji started dialing his number, and then chuckled slightly under his breath.

"Who are you gonna call, you crappy cook?" Zoro asked in an uninterested tone.

"A couple of real crappy cooks." Sanji chuckled again. Finally somebody answered.

"_Yeah, this is the Baratie. Whaddya want_?"

"Is this the shittiest restaurant in all the seas?" Sanji asked, a smile on his face.

"_WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PUNK?" _screamed a man's voice from the other side.

"You'll drive away customers if you're gonna speak to 'em like that. …That plus Patty and Carne's poisonous cooking." Sanji retorted.

"_SANJI! YOU STUPID LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP! I'M GONNA TELL OWNER ZEFF THAT YOU'RE WASTING OUR TIME WHEN WE'VE GOT HUNGRY CUSTOMERS! AND WHO'S FOOD ARE YOU CALLING POISONOUS?" _demanded either one of the insulted two.

"Now, how'd ya guess that it was me, you shitty idiot?" Sanji smiled. "I gotta go. Tell Zeff that I hope you and Carne don't ruin the shitty restaurant."

"_WHADDYA MEAN _US_ RUIN THIS SHIT PLACE? SANJI! WHEN YOU GET BACK I'M GONNA KICK YOUR CRAPPY LITTLE ASS!"_

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I hope that your shitty cooking skills will have improved by the time I get back." Sanji added.

"_SANJ-" _

That's when Sanji hung up the phone.

"They're all doing just fine. I guess there's no real reason to worry about those shit-heads." Sanji put his hands in his pockets and walked towards the door. "Is anybody else gonna make a call? Cause if not, I suggest we leave."

"Hey! I wanna call somebody too!" Usopp raised his hand in the air.

"Really? Who're you gonna call, Usopp?" Chopper looked at him with shining eyes.

"Well, after this nobody else is going to call anyone are they?" after no response, he went on, "Then, I'm gonna call, a _friend _of yours Luffy." Usopp laughed inwardly. He looked around on the desk in the room, and finally produced a list from one of the drawer.

"Nani? A friend? Who?" Luffy asked in a confused voice.

"We're gonna have to leave right after." Usopp said after beginning to dial, looking down at the list evrery now and then.

"Usopp. Who. Are. You. Calling?" Nami asked with her face becoming shadowed.

"_Moshi moshi? Marine base 43 of the Grand Line? This is Marine ship 442 of Fleet 6, under the command of Commadore Smoker. How may we help you? Over." _asked an unfamiliar voice.

"You. Called. The. _MARINES?" _hissed Nami.

Luffy was laughing, Chopper giggling, and Ussop was holding back loud laughter.

"T-This is Marine Captain," he looked at the top of the paper, "Yamaguchi of Marine Base 43 of the Grand Line. It is urgent that I speak with Commadore Smoker right away." Ussop said in a surprisingly deep voice.

"... _I shall bring the Commadore right away, Captain Yamaguchi."_

It was silent for a few minutes,.

_"Captain Yamaguchi? What do you want?" _asked Smoker`s voice from the other line.

"I have recently heard that you are searching Straw Hat Luffy." Ussop said.

_"Yes. What of it?"_

"I would like to inform you that he attacked my base earlier today. However, I succesfully captaured him with a pair of Seastone handcuffs."

"_You did _what?"

"Yes! I was able to capture the elusive Straw Hat Luffy! Something you were never able to accomplish! I THE GREAT USSOP-SAMA!" held a fist in the air, before several drops of sweat formed on his brow.

...

"I just gave it away didn`t I?" whispered a frightened Ussop.

"USSOP, YOU FREAKIN DUMBASS!" screamed Nami, Sanji, Zoro, and Franky.

"Shishishishishish! You`re hilarious Ussop!" laughed Luffy.

"_STRAW HAT! I`LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" _yelled a very angry Smoker.

"Sure thing, Smokey! That`s if you _can _get me! Shishishishi!" Luffy laughed at him.

_"MEN! SET COURSE FOR MARINE BASE 43 OF THE GRAND LINE!"_

_"Hai! Smoker-taichou!"_

_"If Straw Hat`s there... Rononoa Zoro! I`m coming to get you and your Wadou Ichimonji!" _yelled Tashigi`s voice.

"Oh great. Thanks a _lot,_ Ussop." mumbled Zoro as he palmed his forehead.

"Let`s go!" yelled Luffy.

"Come on! Let`s get out of here!"

"Ussop, you dumbass!"

"TO THE THOUSAND SUNNY!"

"LET`S SET SAIL!"

"YEAH!"

* * *

**Chapter`s End Notes: **Yeah, it`s just a stupid one-shot that I wrote so it would be my fifth story and I could become a Beta. But I hope you like it. And I hope to get more than no reviews. But, nd I really don`t know _why _I have to say this, but- NO FLAMES! Thanks a lot you guys! Luv ya! Bye bye!


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